A Note on Palestine + Super Bowl 58 Recap

I wanted to note first of all that even as we get to talking about the game, it would be irresponsible of me to lose sight of the absolutely horrific massacre that took place in Rafah on Sunday night while the game was happening. As in, I literally can’t talk about the Super Bowl without first talking about Rafah, because it doesn’t take a genius for one to realize that the timing of this attack isn’t happenstance.

I am going to continue to post my usual pop culture stuff here on Things You Otter Know, BUT—and this is a BIG but—that does not mean that I will be ignoring what’s going on and not continuing to call for an immediate and permanent ceasefire and a free Palestine, as I have done on my social media (and I don’t intend that to come off as self-congratulatory, I am literally telling you that that is what I have done.) I try to keep it fun and light here for the most part, I want to be someone whose writing is there for you when you need a pick-me-up, but I feel I can’t continue to do that if I don’t acknowledge this genocide, or how privileged I am to even have this space for my writing, or how privileged I was to have watched the game from the safety of home. Millions of Palestinians are watching their homeland get wiped off the map as I write this and no one with a conscience should ignore their suffering, If you don’t feel that way, then perhaps I’m not the writer for you and this isn’t the Substack for you.

As James Baldwin wrote in 1972, “Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have.” So we must continue to raise our voices and believe in collective justice and believe that we will see a free Palestine in our lifetimes. Because what we are doing as writers and as people if we’re not thinking about others, if we’re not thinking beyond ourselves?

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You’ll be getting two posts from me this week. This one will be about the Super Bowl. Later on in the week you’ll get something about…something else. And we have a lot to pick from! The WICKED trailer, a whole new Beyoncé album announcement, Taylor & Travis. So look out for that.

(I was planning to write about the Grammys last week but I never got around to it. Which is weird, because I’ve watched the Grammys every year since I was a kid and I can tell you with full certainty that that was the best Grammys in YEARS.)

I will try to make the boring football stuff as entertaining as I can make it sound. The game itself started off slowly and then bled into a really exciting finish. The 49ers were loaded with talent and their less experienced QB Brock Purdy may have even outplayed modern GOAT Patrick Mahomes, depending on who you ask. I went into the game thinking San Fran would pull off the upset. I was shook to see the Chiefs come away with this.

It was really fun to hop onto the Chiefs bandwagon for this playoffs. After they eliminated the Bills in a heartbreaking Divisional clash, I was like whatever, Taylor’s rooting for them, I guess I will too.

During one of the many, many kickoff hype packages, the producers had Travis Kelce say “Are you ready for it?” and wink. THAT WINK. I almost fell off my couch.

But then once Andra Day and Post Malone and Reba McEntire all crushed their anthems (god I love Reba) the game actually started, and oh my god the Chiefs looked terrible. It was as if they had decided to pump themselves up in the locker room by playing “Your Body is a Wonderland”.

The 49ers came out sharp. Their kicker nailed a field goal that made for the longest make in any Super Bowl ever. On another drive the Chiefs got a stop and then one of their dudes, this cornerback named L’Jarius Sneed, just….smacked another dude’s helmet for no reason???? Watch it. It was PATHETIC. A zero IQ type of decision. So THAT led to a 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalty, which led to coach Kyle Shanahan drawing up the most insane trick play that will sadly forever be buried in history because his team ended up losing the game.

So it’s 10-3 at the half (the Chiefs’ 3 points came from a field goal late in the 2nd quarter) It was not looking good for KC. Mahomes was second-guessing everything and wouldn’t stop trying to run the ball, and I get it, he had next to no receivers, but come on, you’re Patrick friggin Mahomes, throw the damn ball.

Oh my god, and Travis? He was a ghost. 1 catch for 1 yard. He came off the field at one point during the half and screamed in the face of coach Andy Reid for some random friggin reason. I don’t care how much you’ve fallen in love with him, and I know athletes are fickle figures, I know football is a stressful game, but that was inexcusable behaviour, and it’s definitely tarnished my view of him a bit.

The halftime show! Usher did his thing. Which included SINGING LIVE. ON SKATES. Dude is an entertainer to the bone. He’s not a guy I really listen to—like, I wasn’t the target audience for this thing, it was clearly for the millennials—but he knows how to put on a show. Especially because he’s been at this for 30 years. His moves, his voice, his charisma—he has it down to a science so smooth it looks effortless. He has so many hits that he couldn’t even fit “DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love” into this thing! Like, that’s star power.

I should mention that his newest album came out this past Friday, and I’m not even kidding, it’s good. He’s managed to bring his sound into 2024 while still sounding like himself.

I only have two qualms with this show. The first was that he took his shirt off. No need for that, come on. Only losers like Adam Levine do that.

The other was that Justin Bieber wasn’t a special guest, because that would’ve been fun, but Usher did not cheap out on special guests. He brought out Swiss Beatz and H.E.R. and I think Lil Jon, too. And also Alicia Keys! Who I have the utmost respect for. Even though she sounded a liiiiiittle flat last night.

But all these white dudes calling that halftime show bad are lying to themselves. Maybe I am a white girl from a suburb of Toronto, and maybe I was five years old when "Love In This Club" came out, but I STILL (correctly) think that it’s one of the best pop songs of all time. Grow up, racist boomers.

To the second half! During their opening drive, the Chiefs fumbled on first down, recovered it, and then minutes later Mahomes threw an interception. I was bamboozled. These guys are the defending champs? I thought. Champs of what, having conventionally attractive girlfriends and wives???

But with 9 minutes left in the third, and both teams failing to get anything going, Mahomes finally completed a pass to Kelce, which was the catalyst for a drive that led to a 57-year field goal. A field goal longer than the field goal than the record one the dude on the 49ers had kicked not even two hours before! Sports are nuts. And 57 yards is looooong, you guys. That’s around 31 Ottavia Paluches. Just so you know, I have never cheered harder for a field goal in my life.

Now San Fran was only up by 4. They went on a drive and they couldn’t score, and then the Chiefs went on a drive and they couldn’t score, and then when the Chiefs punted the ball back to San Fran, the Chiefs ended up catching it instead (yes, you can do this!) at San Fran’s 16-yard line. Which meant that not only did they get the ball back, but they also were damn close to the end zone. And whaddaya know, Mahomes threw it to one of his receivers for the score, and then the field goal was good, and now the Chiefs were up by 3. Sports!

The 49ers took the lead off another touchdown but I wasn’t even mad because the Chiefs were only down by 3. San Fran kicked it for the extra point but Chiefs linebacker Leo Chenal blocked it. KC doesn’t win this Super Bowl without that play.

So then after that the Chiefs had a field goal and then the 49ers had a field goal and then the Chiefs had a field goal so if you’re keeping up it was 19-19 at the end of regulation.

So we went to overtime, and what happens in NFL playoff overtime (I learned this during the game, this weird playoff stuff is new to me) is that they give both teams a chance to score. Because San Fran won the coin toss they chose to get the ball first but they didn’t do much with it so they just kicked a field goal. When the Chiefs got their chance they went on a 75-yard, 13-play drive which led to the now-iconic winning touchdown. that also acted as the final play of overtime because the clock was running out. The confetti rained down, Roger Goodell made his stupid commissioner speech, Taylor and Travis had a takeout session for the world to see, and that was the game! The seventh-longest game in NFL history and the longest Super Bowl ever. Scripted or not, who cares, it’s fun.