a stream of consciousness Oscars recap!
emptying my notebook from last night!
As y’all know, I don’t watch movies (I’ve legit only seen 3 of this year’s 10 Best Picture nominees, and you can probably guess which ones). So I’ll be light on takes and heavy on stupid jokes. Enjoy seeing my brain writhe in real time.
7:09 PM: It’s pronounced “Killy Anne” and not like “Sicilian”?!
7:14: Not the jokes about Killers of the Flower Moon being too long. You can handle it! It flows in a way that makes the length a smaller deal than it’s become. Thank god this is the last night of awards season.
7:15: KIMMEL MADE A LEO ONLY DATES YOUNG WOMEN JOKE HAHAHAHAHA.
7:17: They’re adding a new category for casting next year? Good idea. Those people deserve something for having to watch millions upon billions of poorly-lit self tapes.
7:19: Good on Jimmy for talking at length about the strikes. I could talk all day about how important that anti-AI clause is for all creative professions. Insane how hard the studios fought for more liberal AI use. Genuinely made me sick.
7:21: They just brought out 5 previous Best Supporting Actress winners to present the Best Supporting Actress award (are you following me?) and OMG LUPITAAAAAA. That blue dress she wore 10 (ten!!!) years ago is my Roman Empire.
7:24: This new format for acting award presentations will take a long time (like, we’re close to 30 minutes into things and one single award has been handed out) but it’s a beautiful idea. Love that the producers are willing to try new approaches to this nearly 100-year old ceremony.
7:26: Da’Vine Joy Randolph for The Holdovers! She’s awesome, so was her speech. When she got emotional I got emotional.
7:33: Paloma Diamond lost again???
7:45: OCTAVIA SPENCERRRRRRRRRR GO NAME TWIN GO
7:53: Hollywood, y’all better listen to Cord Jefferson (who just won Best Adapted Screenplay for American Fiction) and go make fifty $4 million movies instead of one $200 million one!!!
7:56: Billie Ellish rules. Love to see her embracing her role as our youngest living torch singer.
8:00: An Eras Tour movie commercial?! Wasn’t expecting it but I’m ready for it (pun absolutely intended). It’s always so funny to me when you love musicians that are super mainstream, but then when you encounter them unexpectedly (like on this occasion, or even just hearing one of their songs on the radio) you’d think it’s a miracle. Like, “Oh my god, it’s Taylor Swift! I can’t believe it!!” Sure you can, Becky.
8:09: JOHN CENA! Soon all our movie stars will be former athletes. The Rock walked so Travis Kelce can fly.
8:28: Johnathan Glazer, while accepting the Oscar for Best International Film (The Zone of Interest), just called for a ceasefire!
8:38: Robert Downey Jr. in Oppenheimer for Best Supporting Actor! He has a soft spot in my heart. “I’d like to thank my terrible childhood.” Not bad!
8:46: Arnold and Danny DeVito on the same stage was not on my bingo card but they make a great pair.
9:03: Kate McKinnon and America Ferrera just knocked it out of the park with that presentation for Best Documentary Short. Kate, man. She’s a force.
9:08: The director of 20 Days in Mariupol, which just won Best Documentary Feature, says in his speech that he wishes he never made the film. Heartbreaking. We’ll be talking about that speech for a while.
9:16: If Diane Warren wrote songs for actual movies instead of movies about Cheetos, maybe she’d win Best Original Song for once instead of losing 15 times in a row.
9:18: What does the ‘G’ in Becky G stand for? Godzilla?
9:27: John Mulaney injecting some John Mulaney into this ceremony as only he can. He needs to host next year!
9:30: Been waiting for “I’m Just Ken”. I love how they didn’t even introduce it. It just started happening and everyone immediately understood. Icon behaviour. Five seconds in and he’s already got me laughing. This pink suit! My mom’s crushed on Ryan Gosling since The Notebook. Wow, are they ever going all out for this. Goss is COMMITTING. These random ass backup dancers that are all men. Too bad Simu Liu has to be there and ruin the f—SLASH?????? Geez, this is the most fun the Oscars has had in years. Visually awesome, doesn’t take itself too seriously, all the rich people are on their feet dancing and laughing and singing. Men are so back.
9:42: Billie Ellish just won Best Original Song! She thanks a teacher who didn’t like her in her acceptance speech. Exactly what I would do if I ever gave an acceptance speech. Billie now has TWO Oscar wins at only 22 years old. Generational talent. Cannot wait for her next record. I bet the song of the summer is on it.
9:57: A QR for the people who didn’t make the In Memoriam segment? A 4.5-hour ceremony and you don’t have time for all of these people?
10:01: Killy-Anne Murphy for Best Actor! Unsurprising, but so deserved.
10:04: What an absolutely stacked Best Director category! Too bad Greta Gerwig isn’t included, but this was always Christopher Nolan’s and Oppenheimer’s to lose.
10:14: I’m a huge Emma Stone fan (who isn’t?) but Lily Gladstone just got ROBBED for Best Actress. If there’s any silver lining, I know Lily’s starring in an upcoming adaption of Yoko Ogawa’s incredible novel The Memory Police. She’ll be back soon enough!
10:18: Kimmel with perhaps his best line of the night, reading a post Trump made about him hosting and then asking if it was past his jail time. Smart quip!
10:19: AL PACINOOOOOOOO presenting Best Picture! He looks like a bag of bones but it’s fine, we as a society will forgive him.
10:21: I’m like 95% sure he messed up announcing the winner and confused the entire theatre, but it’s Oppenheimer because of course.
10:24: Hold up, Christopher Nolan was Oscarless until tonight? Not even for the masterpiece that is Inception?!
10:26: Kimmel signed off without apologizing to Matt Damon for running out of time? That has to be a fir—MESSI THE DOG JUST PEED ON MATT DAMON’S STAR ON THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
Thanks for reading this mess, Otters. I have “Dance the Night” stuck in my head now. (It’s such ear candy.)
Back later this week, where I’ll tell you about pretending to be a leader at the leadership conference I attended this past weekend…