O! T’s! Back! ALRIGHT!
Hi again! It’s been a while. This is Ottavia Paluch from Things You Otter Know. Welcome to the second ever edition of Otterbiography, the monthly column where I spend half the time complaining talking about my extremely boring and unimpressive life as it currently stands and then spend the other half sharing media that I have been consuming in sort-of-large amounts. (The name was suggested by some guy on Twitter I don’t know.)
I’m warning you now, this email is going to be alllllllll over the place. We have a lot to catch up on. I’ve taken the month off from the newsletter because this month has been hard on my mental health, my sleep schedule, and my time. I’ll get to all of that in a second. But first:
A quick scheduling update
I’m going to re-try the Monday Experiment™️ during the month of March. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting - I would love to send you something once a week, but I’m not sure if that’s feasible for the time being. If you don’t like the Monday thing or if I don’t like the Monday thing then we’ll just revert back to Sundays. Deal? Deal. Okay, let’s do this.
My sleep schedule took a massive hit this month because of the Olympics. I stayed up a fair bit for a lot if it. And I’m not sure why. Something just compelled me to. I got into bobsleigh and freestyle skiing and alpine skiing (see Leslie Jones here) and speed skating and short track speed skating and snowboarding.
The Canadian men’s and women’s hockey tournaments were interesting to follow. The men lost in the quarterfinals which I’m not shocked by because they were forced to play a bunch of 35-year-old perennial fourth-liners instead of, you know, Connor McDavid and Sidney Crosby and Cale Makar and Nathan MacKinnon and Mitch Marner and all that. (I’d be shocked if any of you recognize those names.) But the women. Jesus Christ. Talk about domination. That final against the U.S. was incredible to watch. They were an absolute unit. Marie-Philippe Poulin is the GOAT. And at one point during the tournament they played an entire game while wearing masks because ROC didn’t submit their COVID test results on time. In case you’re skimming this email, let me repeat myself: THOSE WOMEN PLAYED AN ENTIRE GAME HOCKEY IN N95 MASKS. I NEVER WANT TO HEAR ANYONE COMPLAIN ABOUT WEARING MASKS EVER AGAIN. (And that includes myself.)
I also watched a TON of figure skating. Although I wouldn’t necessarily call myself someone who only cares about figure skating for two weeks every four years. Like, I follow Skate Canada, I watched the national championships, I watch the American championships. Like, whenever there’s figure skating on CBC, and I’m not busy or in school, I tend to catch it. It’s not my favourite favourite sport, but it sure is wild. Leslie Jones did some absolutely hilarious live commentary for it on her Twitter before NBC asked her to shut up because of copyright for literally no reason??? I’ve heard a lot about how bad of a job NBC has done with the Olympics this year. I’m telling you, you all have to move up north to Canada. CBC spends billions on this stuff (even though it’s not as popular here as it once was) and has wall-to-wall world-class coverage on literally every sport. I mean, that IS partially because of taxpayer money, but IDGAF.
Where was I? Yeah. Canadian skaters. I’ll get to everyone else in a second.
Keegan Messing (pictured above) had such a tough journey towards Beijing. Like, literally. He was detained in Vancouver for more than a week after testing positive and he had to pass four tests before being permitted to fly to Beijing. And on top of that there were like 37485773 connecting flights he had to go through all by himself because all the figure skating planes had left. Then literally a day after he arrived he CRUSHED his individual short program. And then he crushed his long program. He finished in 11th place but he’s 1st in my heart. The fact that he was even there to compete is remarkable. He also wears plaid and loves his daughter to an overwhelming degree. What a guy. You can hear him talk about that incredible short program in this sick as frick CBC Olympics podcast, Player’s Own Voice.
Roman Sadovsky had to replace Keegan in the team men’s short, and on top of that he participated in the individual event. He wasn’t anywhere near as good as Keegs but he’s going to learn a lot from this experience.
Madeline Schizas is 18 and the Canadian women’s national champion. She is going to be a STAR in 2026. She pretty much singlehandedly sent Canada to the team final with her performance in the short. She had great outfits. She is so mature and poised. She goes to the same school as two of my closest friends. What’s not to love?
As for the pairs. Eric Radford is still the raddest. I know he’s gay but he’s very good-looking IMO. His new partner Vanessa James—oh man, the two of them were phenomenal in the team pairs free skate. There are a bunch of way better teams than them—the Americans have two world-class ones in Chock/Bates and Hubbell/Donohue—but you have to applaud Eric’s and Vanessa’s efforts.
Piper Gilles and Paul Porier, our best ice dance team, just weren’t up to par with the rest of the best even though their goal coming into these Games was a medal. That sucks. I wonder if they’d be able to get one more go at it in 2026. Assuming there even is a 2026.
Speaking of ice dance! Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir (the GOATs of ice dance, Canadian or otherwise, and I will die on this hill) did commentary for CBC’s ice dance coverage. And then when the record-setting French baguettes came on for their qualifying skate, Scott was like (and I’m clearly paraphrasing here), “yeah so these guys won the world championships they're one of the best in the world yadda yadda and they were supposed to win four years ago at the last Olympics, they have been waiting four years for this moment” but the thing is… guess who beat them at the last Olympics? TESSA AND SCOTT!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
As for non-Canadian skaters…I wasn’t able to catch the women’s individual event so instead I’ll talk about the men.
Nathan Chen is unbelievable. He makes everything look so easy. That, to me, is the definition of a world-class athlete. I’m not his biggest fan or anything, but what else can I say about him that hasn’t already been said by smarter people?
And can we talk about the Japanese? They have RIDICULOUS depth on the men’s side. My favourite was Shoma Umo, because he is just…he’s got this VIBE about him, you know? But Yuma Kagiyama was a very deserving silver medalist. I’m a little jealous of him because he’s the same age as me and winning Olympic medals. And, of course, Yuzuru Hanyu obviously deserves everyone’s respect. He is the epitome of artistry. People all around the world adore him. The guy was SO CLOSE to nailing a quadruple axel. Who knows what would have happened had he landed it.
I wanted to write something this month about the Valieva scandal. I really did. It’s an awful and fascinating and awfully fascinating story. I had like 6 browser windows open with articles and analyses about it. But time (and a lack of sleep) caught up to me. I was also a little worried that the jokes I would make about it would cross a line somehow. I’m thinking that maybe once RUSADA determines if any sanctions will be imposed on Valieva, I might go back to her case and talk about it here.
The other thing I wanted to write about but didn’t is what was happening here at home in Canada. It’s basically over now—I mean, there are still some idiots out there with their dumb “mY bOdY mY ChOiCe” signs, but the news cycle has essentially moved on from them. You probably know what I’m talking about. It’s honestly rare that a Canadian event gets this much coverage in the States. All month long there have been these, like, anti-vaccine, anti-vaccine mandate, anti-mask, anti-COVID rules, anti-Trudeau protests happening in the capital and in other spots across Canada. My parents—don’t tell them I told you this—can’t stand Trudeau. They want to die every time he speaks in that awful voice of his (admit it, it is kind of ugly) and wanted him to go down and talk to the truckers. Although not long after the protests began, the Premier of Ontario, aka Doug Ford, said he would be easing restrictions beginning March 1. He says he didn’t do it because of the protests, but come on, man. Of course he did. One of his daughters is a staunch anti-vaxxer who probably convinced him into doing what she wanted. Loser.
On a federal level the Conservative Party got rid of their leader Erin O’Toole because they felt he wasn’t supportive enough of the truckers or something??? At least that’s my understanding of it, I don’t feel like googling it right now. But I do know that they replaced him with someone who is even more conservative than O’Toole. Candace Bergen, that’s her name. I hate her already.
Stuff that happened to me!
I actually only have 3 updates for this month. (Most of my month was spent wallowing in my thoughts and crying.)
The first was that I finally returned to in-person school after five months of remote learning! And it has been stressing me out like CRAZY, and I absolutely despise it. 🥰
I got banned from LinkedIn! No, like, I’m for real. Here is an explainer. I know, it sucks. I guess I’m going to have to make a new email just for the LinkedIn.
It was also a crazy month for me in terms of university stuff. I got into the University of Guelph. Which, woo! But you know what ELSE happened in the very same week?
Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that this was all I was talking about for a few days. I’ve wanted this since I was in, like, eighth grade. My family and I are just waiting on Waterloo before I make a decision. I really want UofT though. Specifically their Mississauga campus because that’s closest to me. Like, that’s my dream school! Princeton can suck it.
In general though all this university talk with my family has been really tough on me mentally. My life literally changed in an instant. When I told them I got in they were literally bawling. The love I felt from them in that moment is something I haven’t felt in a while. I wish I could experience that moment again one more time. Now they want me to go to Waterloo instead. So, I don’t even friggin know anymore. But I will prevail.
Stuff I Like!
Books I have been reading!
I have once again read zero books this month. Jesus Christ. How does one muster the energy to pick up a book again? Please teach me in the comments.
Other things I have been reading
Ilana Drake (who apparently is a fan of mine?!) wrote about coming back to school after not being in one for a gazillion years.
Not an article or whatever, but this short story from sixteen-year-old Ai Li Feng in Waxwing (who I am lucky to call my friend!) is outstanding. How tf did she come up with these sentences? If I read enough K-Ming Chang will I be able to write like this?????
Biden somehow not being prepared for this war is apparently something that is going to happen.
Zelensky’s name is going to be remembered for decades to come.
Allie Rubin with the hilarity in McSweeney’s.
A fantastic New Yorker interview with AOC. (I’m giving you the 12ft.io link because, well, screw paywalls.)
Music I have been listening to!
There wasn’t really a particular album this month that I was obsessed with listening to, so I’ll give you a few extra songs instead. I also gave you the Spotify link this time because why not.
“Heaven Forbid” by the Fray
The Fray are like if the Script (remember those guys?!) had a singer who looked like Billy Corgan, and instead of being Irish, had an American accent as thick as molasses.
I listened to them a lot this month. There are only four other songs of theirs that I care about, and they also happen to be their biggest songs. Coincidence? I think not. Let’s take a look.
“How to Save a Life”? A classic I’ve loved for ages.
“Over My Head (Cable Car)”? Banger! What a piano riff. I’d kill to write something like that.
“You Found Me?” Doesn’t get nearly as much love as it deserves.
“Never Say Never”? TEARJERKER OF THE GODDAMNED CENTURY.
You probably don’t know this song, though. I came across it by accident when I clicked shuffle on them on Spotify rather than just pressing play. Out of everything on this month’s song list it’s probably the simplest in terms of lyrics and structure and all that. But it rules so hard! It’s a sort-of-dark-sounding song about hope. A damn good Coldplay impression.
“Crucified” by Sister Ray
If you’re like me and love Julien Baker, you are going to LOOOOOOOVE this song.
So I follow a good amount of record labels on Instagram, and last week Royal Mountain Records (a GREAT label, by the way) posted about how they’re releasing the debut album from this artist on May 13th. If this first single from that album is any indication, I should be very excited for that day to arrive. You can feel how long it took to come together. The guitar figure is perfect. The lyrics are vulnerable and raw. Their voice is so good. I love their delivery, especially during the line, “I watch those silly green things until I hear…your settled…heavy breathing.” Would be surprised if this song doesn’t end up on my best-of-2022 list.
You should totally check out the other song of theirs that just came out, “Visions". Nearly as good as this track.
“Bad Religion” by Frank Ocean
Was on a big Frank Ocean kick this month. Blonde is one of the best albums of the decade, bar none. Blew me away when I first heard it. But this song isn’t off that album. It’s actually a deeper cut from his debut, Channel Orange.
I think the meaning of it is deeper than I initially thought it was. “If it brings me to my knees, it’s a bad religion” - I think there’s more than one way to interpret that. Frank can really sing, by the way. And that little chord progression is so interesting and unique. This whole song is just devastatingly profound in how it takes such a personal moment and turns it into something universal. The mark of all truly great songs.
“The Con” by Tegan and Sara
This song ran so that “Nobody” by Mitski could crawl.
In all seriousness I just think this thing is so unique and different but everything somehow works perfectly. I know Tegan and Sara are Canadian but I’m not super familiar with them. I know they have that fun song about making out with girls that I still hear all the time at hair salons and stuff even though it came out like ten years ago. And they also have that fun song about wanting to make out with a girl who hadn’t made out with a girl before. Both are great, insanely catchy and sleek bubblegum electro-pop songs. But they sound nothing like “The Con”.
Prior to this month I was aware of how good “The Con” was, but it wasn’t something I had on regular rotation. But then one of my dear friends was discussing it on a friend group group call and I was like, “oh. my. god. I forgot about that song!” And I have been playing it on repeat ever since. It has this acoustic guitar riff in this slightly weird guitar tuning that is so memorable and iconic. The bassline is supremely underrated. Both Tegan and Sara sound great. I think the best part is whenever they sing “ENCIIIIIRCLE MEEEEEE I NEEEEEEED TO BE! TAKEN DOOOOOOWWWNNNNN!!!” How has that not gone viral on TikTok yet? The little ascending bass riff during that part of the song is killer, too.
Fans go NUTS for this song at shows. I’m shocked it only has 9 million plays on Spotify. I thought more people would know it.
“99 to the Moon (vows)” by Said the Whale
I had never heard this song until Valentine’s Day, when this popped up on my Instagram somehow. And once I gave it a listen, I cried like a baby.
The regular version of this song is a little too busy for my liking, you know? When they strip it down like this, it turns into the most perfect first dance song in the universe. Out of all the songs on this list it’s the one I’ve listened to the least, by a significant margin. I can’t get through it without crying. I’m listening to it as I write this and I have to admit to you, I’m trying to type this blurb as quickly as I can because I can already feel my chest tightening. I never cared much about Said the Whale, but this has been a real beacon of love for me during what’s been a difficult month. Bloody hell, I’m crying again.
Poems!
“Preventative Measures in Chinatown Hair Salon” by (my incredible friend) Stella Lei
“HOW THE STORY GOES” by (once again, my incredible friend) Grace Q. Song
“More” by (famous Otter) Alex Dimitrov
Tweets I loved that may or may not have come from me!
That’s it for month two of Things You Otter Know! I know it was a short one for this newsletter. I’m sorry! I’ll try to get back on track this coming month. I also want to get back on track when it comes to reading. And also writing poems again. I tried writing one last night. It did not go well. Whatever, I’ve done it before, so I can do it again…right??? Someone reassure me and tell me I’m a genius.
I will be back next week, on MONDAY, March 7th, (remember how we pushed everything back a day?) with the second edition of In Otter News. I hope this newsletter managed to take your mind off of everything happening in the world right now, even if just for a few minutes.
🦦 —O— 🦦