Mini-Otterbiography: I Touched Some Grass!
My poems have a life outside of my room now. Isn't that crazy?!
Hi, this is Ottavia Paluch and you’re reading Things You Otter Know. Yes, I know it’s Friday morning, yes, I’ve never sent out a post on Friday morning before, but I promise Friday morning isn’t the new Monday morning. I’ve just been…slacking. Also busy with stuff for Ink. And Incandescent. And packing up my room. Things like that. But I promised I’d be giving you two more posts this month. So here is the first one.
Hopefully the Otterbiography that’ll be out in two weeks won’t be less boring because I’m choosing not to include this in it. I figured this required a standalone, more long-form kind of thing. I tried to make it as entertaining as possible. If you don’t like it go wait impatiently for Monday.
About a month ago one of my teammates (who we’ll call K) at Ink Movement (which is a youth arts nonprofit that I’ve been volunteering for this past year) sent me a message on Discord saying that they were organizing a climate change-related thing with another organization called Future Majority, and they were looking for a few people to read a poem that was maybe related to climate change in some way, and given that I was “a super cool awesome famous world-renowned poetry person” (their words, not mine!) I should do it. And I was like, “hell yes” of course. All the while knowing very well that I had never read a poem that I had written in front of people in my eighteen godforsaken years of life.
I honestly thought it was very nice that K had thought of me for the job. I figured it would be fun. Maybe people will connect with my work! I thought. Maybe I’ll be able to turn, like, 10 new people into Otters!
Later that day I looked in my gigantic Word document that contains basically every poem I’ve ever written (it’s really not that long, only about 140 pages or so) and looked for any poems I had written in the past about the Earth or climate change or anything similar. And I did have one! But it suuuuuuuucked. And I decided that I either was going to have to write something new for the event or risk being humiliated in front of all of those people.
A week later K texts me again saying that the guy who’s organizing the event sent me an email LAST WEEK and that I should check check my junk, and lo and behold, it IS in my junk, stuck in between a bunch of emails begging me to purchase cannabis gummies. This dude named Jared says he’d love to set up a 15 minute Google Meet to discuss some logistics and also to meet me. So I of course schedule a meeting that conflicts perfectly with another meeting I have for a whole other thing. Typical Ottavia, eh? I email Jared, apologize profusely, and we reschedule for the next day at 4.
Jared and I end up talking for twice as much as we initially allotted for. I learned a lot about him in those 34 minutes. He is a hoot. Nine years older than me, but still. He loves musical theatre. He gave me a good tip (that I can sadly no longer recall) about buying tickets at the Ed Mirivsh Theatre over in downtown Toronto, which has a storied history of hosting plays and musicals. We also spent, like, half the meeting raving over Phoebe Bridgers and the Killers. That started because I noticed that in his room there was a giant flag that looked just like the cover of a Killers album from a few years back called Imploding the Mirage. It looked something like this.
And I’m like, “dude, why does that look so familiar?” and he’s like “oh, that’s the cover of a Killers album!” and I’m like “oh my GOD, I’m a huge Killers fan!!” I don’t think I’ve met a Killers fan in real life before. Causal ones, sure. (The people who know “Mr. Brightside,” “Human,” and maaaaybe “All These Things That I’ve Done”.) He also mentioned he has tickets to see them in Toronto, which reminds that I really should convince my dad to come with me and go catch them play. I’m going to leave it at that because I doubt you care much for Killers albums. (Although ITM is really good! Oh, and stream Pressure Machine for clear skin!)
At the tail end of our meeting he was explaining to me the premise of the event I had been invited to (to talk about climate change and advocate for municipal climate policy in a way that put as few 20 year olds to sleep as possible). And he gave me all these great facts about how buildings consume so much of the energy and electricity in our cities. I thought about it for a second and then I was like, “okay, Jared, hear me out - why don’t I just write a poem and call it…’Screw Buildings’?” The rest is history.
All my poems start humbly. Here is the origin of “Screw Buildings,” a two-line first draft from July 13:
The first time I learned about the apocalypse,
I don’t remember how old I was.
Applaud me.
The next day I realized that the reason I couldn’t come up with more than two lines was because I was writing in Times New Roman instead of Garamond:
The first time I learned about the apocalypse,
I don’t remember how I old I was, or how small tall,
but I do remember how it made me feel.
I rememberhowmy teacher
sitting us down we were all at our desks.
Look at how quickly three more lines popped up. Ridiculousness.
How when my teacher said that the world is
warmingstarting to warm up,faster than it ever has before, you could feel
this chill in the air.
When people say that poetry is magic, what they really mean is that Garamond is a hell of a drug.
I also played with this new beginning for a while:
There was once a point in my life where I felt like a building.
That is probably the worst line I’ve written this year.
These are a bit better, though:
[…] this chill in the air, colder than any iceberg,
cooler than anything that had swept past
our tiny, developing little brains.
Then I was like, ok, well, I guess the volta has to come in soon, right?
We didn’t know anything about anything. I still know so little
about this world.
I’ve been writing poems for almost five years and I still set up my twists in the most obvious ways. Here was my poor attempt at one for this poem:
But here’s what I do know: I want to live on it.
I was channelling my inner Ada Limón SO HARD in this poem. EspECIALLY in the second half, as you’ll see. The entire time I’m like, “what would Ada do???” I’m telling you, I have no style.
I want to remain on it. I want to stop walking down Queen St. West
without
muttering the wordsyelling “screw you!” to every building I pass bybecause they're
they suckconsuming so much of our energy.
Okay, maybe I do have a style? Because Ada would NEVER write this.
I want
myour kids to live not in fear, but in joy.
I was a childBecause I was just a kid when I found outthat this earth isn’t promised. We were at school to learn
and this was what we were being taught?
This is a thinly veiled commentary on how future generations are so screwed because we’re doing nothing to help them. Speaking of doing nothing…
Imagine what school is going to be like 75 years from now
if we do nothing. Not a single kid is going to show up
because they’ll be like, “
Oh no,sea levels are rising,so fast,. At this rate,my school’s going to drown next week!”
I was trying to channel my inner annoying ten year-old boy here. Not sure if you can tell.
Summer brea
k will hereby knownks will be replaced by wildfire seasons.Learning will be replaced by nihilism.
I want to teach my kids the meaning of hope.
I was thinking of this quote from James Baldwin (who is probably my favourite writer ever, honestly?) that goes something along the lines of “hope in the world relies on what you demand of yourself”. Which partially inspired this snippet of the poem. Although I would attribute 75% of the inspiration to Obama. This is literally me trying to pull an Obama. Barack, if you see this, what’s up?!
I want them to
look attouch the sky and dig their toes in the soil.I want them to look up to us when we’re old and cranky
and know that we did the best we could for them.
When I came up with this bit I was reaching for a Mary Oliver Moment, but it really did not end up on Mary’s level. Oh well!
I left it at that for the day. But the very next morning Jared emailed me asking for the poem, because this was the day before the big event! And I was like, oh my god. So I panicked and was like, this poem needs a SLOGAN. A big sendoff, yknow? And I spent like half an hour trying to come up with something snappy and memorable before I eventually landed on this:
I wantScrew buildings! Let’s build a better world instead!
I wish I could tell you what the thought process behind that was, but y’all know that with endings I always pull a Carrie Underwood and let Jesus take the wheel.
And that is how I wrote “Screw Buildings”. Not likely to get published anytime soon, let’s just say that.
So the event itself. What a blast it was.
So I show up around 1:30 like Jared said to do. And I end up meeting all these university kids who are part of Jared’s team at FM and who are running the event. They were setting up and stuff. Gave me a name tag. While that was going on I met two UTM kids. One who just graduated and is off to law school in the fall. Another who’s in her second year studied biology or something. None of us had ever been to Studio.89 before but holy bejeezus did we find it sick. I’ll definitely be coming again in the future.
People start filing in closer to showtime and Jared hands me a copy of my poem in a big font (which I had told him to do the night before in exchange for a giant hug). Eventually he led me to my seat because they were kind enough to give me the best seat in the house, right in the front row. Look at this sign they made for me!! I thought it was so cool even though it is literally nothing.
I was in the last chair on the right, and to my left were the two other poets rading that day, Tahira and Qurat, neither of which I had met before. Qurat wasn’t there yet but Tahira was so I said hi to her and we joked around for a few minutes. She and I are both starting at UTM in the fall! She’s hoping to major in psychology which I totally understand because it is so cool. I feel like we will totally be friends over there.
Anyways. The show, if we’ll call it that, was so good. K got to interview a city councillor for not even 15 minutes before he had to dip out to go do some other thing. (He’s clearly got priorities 🙄) And then Tahira did a poem or two, and she was so good and professional and everything. I had never been to a slam before but she is literally the queen of poetry slamming. I have no idea how I even paid attention to her given how nervous I was for MY performance.
Speaking of me! So after Tahira’s done they read my bio and they were like “please welcome Ottavia!” and so I get up and take three steps to the sage, and when I turn to look at the audience I am…totally taken aback? There were dozens of people. It was ridiculous. Literally the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “oh my god, there’s so many of you , Jesus.” And there was no stage or podium so I was on everyone’s level. So I said hi, I’m Ottavia, and I remembered that I had a whole speech prepared but had totally forgotten it, and I said that part out loud too, and then I tried very hard to pivot to my poem without leaving too much dead space in the air. And I explained to everyone where the inspiration for the poem came from - the thing I told you about my meeting with Jared! - and they all laughed, so that was good. I tried to pick out Jared in the crowd but there were too many people and I have bad eyes so I couldn’t. And then I read the poem and I barely looked up from my paper because I was so nervous. But everyone laughing at my dumb jokes put me at ease a little bit. And then I essentially yelled the last line, raised my fist in the air, or what I thought was my fist but was actually, like, two fingers? Three? Just sorta hanging up there for a brief second? And then I said thank you very much and speed-walked off stage.
They were clapping and hooting and hollering and stuff. I felt like a rockstar. I remember when Oprah was doing her last few shows and two of them were at the United Centre in Chicago where she lives and works (I think) and before she gets on stage she tells the camera or one of her producers or something that she was ready for her “Bono moment”. And this was mine, in a way. Coolest thing ever. Totally doing that again sometime in the future.
Before you ask, I sure wish I had video but there is none. Just assume I did good.
So then after that Qurat did three poems. She is the current Youth Poet Laureate of the city so of course she crushed it. And then this singer-songwriter by the name of Iris did a few songs with her acoustic guitar and she was great too. I have no idea how she did it. Y’all know from last month’s Otterbiography that I can only play five guitar chords, but singing while playing them at the same time is a little tricky. And then doing it IN FRONT OF PEOPLE??? My worst nightmare. I came up to her after the show and told her that and she laughed.
I think the part after the show ended was my favourite part, honestly. I met so many people. I met this younger woman who worked for the city who spoke to Tahira and I and also to K and I. She said yeah thanks for the poems I hope we get this climate thing solved or whatever. She has the coolest job ever. My co-director at Ink also came over and we talked for a bit. It was nice to see her there, I wasn’t expecting it. Then I noticed there was a long line in the front of the store and I was like, what’s that about? So I went over and it turns out they sell stuff there?? Like, fancy coffees and teas and cookies? I didn’t want a coffee because it was 3 in the afternoon and I’m not a tea person so I waited in line for a cookie.
And then as I’m waiting in line the guy in front of me turns around and recognizes me and introduces himself, we’ll call him R, and he’s like, “dude, I loved your poem. Everyone was like, so good and professional, but I liked you because you were just like, screw buildings, you know? It was really memorable.” And I was like OH MY GOD THANK YOU and we chatted for a bit in line. He goes to McMaster over in Hamilton for mechanical engineering and he lived in Dubai until he was 14. Super super nice guy, not bad-looking, tall, easy to talk to, not weird or creepy at all. He gets a Nutella mocha and we’re standing off to the side and he offers me a sip and we both agree that it’s meh. I got a s’mores cookie and I rip off a piece for him and we both agree that it’s friggin delicious. He also asked for my Instagram. I don’t think we should read into that too much though, folks.
And then guess what? Two of his friends spot him and come over and huddle with him for a second, one of them around my height (meaning average) and one of them super tall, and once they’re done talking the super tall guy looks over at me and goes, “oh by the way, I loved your poem. Screw buildings, man.” And internally I’m screaming. I’m like, hahahahhahahahahaha oh my god yes totally man yeah! And he introduces himself and we fist-bumped. The three of them take off but then R is like, “I actually have to go now but it was super nice meeting you” and I’m like yeah of course! You guys, I’m a CELEBRITY. John Mayer wishes he was as cool as me.
But wait. There’s more. After that I went to look for Qurat because I hadn’t met her yet, and we talked for a minute or two. She is so nice. We took a photo together for the Twitter which you saw at the top of this post. Then I’m starting to walk back at my chair hen I spot Jared and I’m like ok I should really talk to him, and Jared’s like OTTAVIA YOU DID SO GOOD and he’s like WE GOT A GIFT FOR YOU AND THE OTHER POETS and I’m like omg thank you?? and he hands me a little box of these five wonderful little chocolates from Purdy’s, which is a wonderful Canadian…I believe the word is “chocolatier”? And we hugged AGAIN! And then I’m like “Jared dude thanks for letting me be apart of this and like you know when K asked me to do this I was like ok sure climate change yadda yadda but seeing all these people be so passionate about fixing things makes me wanna get involved in it a little more and he’s like YEAH OF COURSE! OH AND BY THE WAY I HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE TO YOUR BLOG and I’m like…for real? and he’s YEAH OF COURSE! I BET IT’S HILARIOUS! Jared is my new favourite human being,.
The last people I talked to were: a girl who’s starting at UTM in the fall just like me who we’ll call N, another girl in her second year who we’ll call V, and this guy in his third year who we’ll call H. AND THEY ALL RECOGNIZED ME TOO!!! N was like “dude your poem was so good! and I liked it because you sounded real and, like, authentic” and then V chimes in like, “yeah you had a positive spin on things, you didn’t use big words, everyone could understand your message” and I’m like oh my god thank you oh my god and I tell them what I always tell people which is that I write the way I talk, and I don’t care about using big words all that much and they’re like EXACTLY and I’m like hahahaha oh my god. And then we had a conversation about UTM and stuff and they gave me some good advice, especially H since he helps run the student union so he knows the ins and outs better than anybody. And when N found out that I was starting in the fall she looks at me and she goes, “we are going to be such good friends, like ON GOD, like, I LOVE POETRY” and I giggled. Another new friend!
And that was that! I have another event tomorrow night that happens to be at the same location. I’m emceeing Ink’s poetry slam. Should be fun. Gonna meet a ton of people and crack a ton of jokes. And eat another s’mores cookie. That’s priority #1.
See you Monday.
🦦—O—🦦