Otterbiography, January 2022
Hola, Otteritos! This is Ottavia Paluch from Things You Otter Know. Welcome to the very first ever edition of Otterbiography, the monthly column where I spend half the time complaining talking about my extremely boring and unimpressive life as it currently stands and then spend the other half sharing media that I have been consuming in sort-of-large amounts. (The name was suggested by some guy on Twitter I don’t know.)
Just warning you now that this week’s email is not particularly joke-heavy, which is disappointing because I don’t think the Full House essay was funny enough. So after sending it out I told myself I’d step it up for this week’s newsletter, and then proceeded to not do that. Hopefully you’ll all understand.
A quick scheduling update:
I originally had the posting schedule for this newsletter set to Sunday mornings because most people read a lot on Sunday mornings. Unfortunately I’ve been a day late on sending these for three consecutive weeks. So for the month of February I’m going to be exclusively sending these out on Mondays. If you don’t like it or if I don’t like it we’ll revert back to Sundays. Deal? Deal. Okay, let’s go.
If there are 630 hours in a month, this newsletter took up 30 of them for sure. So about 4% of my January.
It seems like nothing, right? But I’ve spent a looong time this month working on this newsletter in some capacity. Probably because it accounts for the only creative writing I have done this month. I do have some writing-adjacent stuff that I’ll talk about later, but I also didn’t write any poems, nor did I submit them anywhere. I tried submitting to Nashville Review but they were closed because thAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE EVERYTHING TO THE LAST MINUTE.
ANYWAYS. About this stupid newsletter. If you count this email, which I totally will, I wrote roughly ten thousand words this month. HOLY CRAP! The Full House spiel was 3k and so was the Theranos spiel. This email is almost 3k as well. Christ. And the introductory email is like 1,200. When I said this project would help me write I wasn’t kidding.
In just one month TYOK has received close to 60 subscribers and around 900 total combined views. That is crazy! The fact that there are so many of you who care about what I have to say means the world. And I’m not just saying that just for the sake of saying it. I can’t believe there are people out there who will gladly sit with one of these essays for ten minutes on a Wednesday. It is thanks to your support that I’ve already begun to think about how I can make this project slightly better and cooler and bigger in the months ahead. Yep, I’m getting ahead of myself, and it is only January 30th, but YOLO.
Stuff that happened to me!
(Most of these things were mentioned on my Twitter at some point during the month. I figure you’d find a summary of all of them handy.)
I did an interview with Aura Martin! My first online poetry interview ever! I spent four hours straight coming up with the answers to Aura’s lovely questions. Hopefully you will find my answers smart and cool and interesting.
Last summer my poem “Sonnet on Escape” was included in the Young Writers episode of the Micro podcast. Which was a huge honour in itself. Drew is a fantastic host, my friend Grace was a fantastic curator, and I got to be in the same podcast as May and Laetitia! Those are all big deals for me. So now what if I told you that this month that very episode got a feature in THE LitHub?!?!?! That’s a life goal I was planning to unlock at 38 and not 18. So this is a big deal, at least in my head. I literally cannot believe that my stupid little name is in their sexy, elegant, fancy, perfect, wonderful LitHub font. I’ve come so far, guys.
The results of the Incandescent Review’s 2021 Art & Writing Contest came out! This was a contest for young writers and artists that I had the honour of judging poetry submissions for alongside the incredible Esther Sun. (My amazing friends Kaya Dierks and Grace Q. Song judged prose.) Getting to be a part of this thing was so much fun and so rewarding. I can’t believe this is actually a thing that I, a person who knows literally nothing, got to do. Thank you to everyone that submitted for making Esther’s and I’s job so hard.
The 2.5-hour Zoom where we picked the winners was probably the most fun (funnest?) Zoom that I have ever been a part of. Here are an assortment of jokes I remember hearing or telling that day.
I called out Scholastic’s IT department.
Speaking of Scholastic! I have finished my teen writing career with ZERO gold keys to my name! I now have two silver keys to my name, though. One was for this essay I wrote a few years ago on Notre-Dame which I entered on a whim. And the other was a portfolio of sonnets: this one, this one, this one, one of these, this one, and this unpublished sonnet that Janelle from IYWS loved. (This is where I usually make a self-deprecating joke, but Janelle definitely knows what she’s talking about when it comes to poems, so I’m just going to cry in the corner about how incredibly kind she was to my work).
I guess this is proof that contests are incredibly subjective. Nearly all of my published work, including the poem of mine that somehow won Hunger Mountain’s contest, the rawest, most personal poem I’ve ever written, got nothing from Scholastic. It’s all a roll of the dice!
Teen writers, my inbox is open anytime if you want to discuss this stuff or need a pep talk.
I read poetry submissions for Flypaper Lit now! Their incredibly kind EIC Joy David (who writes some phenomenal poems, by the way) just DMed me out of the blue asking if I’d like to join the team, and I was like…”sure?!?!?!?!” I think the fact that people want me—ME—to be apart of their literary projects, is the awesomest. I have no idea why they see a need for me, since I am not the greatest poetry reader and tend to just vote yes or no on poems based on vibes. But I’m very grateful for the opportunity. Like, I’m in the same group chat as Noor Hindi now. Obviously the best perk.
A few days ago I co-led a songwriting workshop for the local youth arts org I volunteer for. (It was a fun challenge, especially after having drafted two horrendous songs for the band I’m in this month.) Only like ten kids showed up to our Zoom but I did get the chance to explain to them who Sting is. So I count that as a win.
I worked on a budget thing for the FCSS-FESC of which I have been a executive member of since November. I’m not supposed to tell you the details but we basically told Doug Ford what to blow his money on. Shockingly, crack is not one of our demands.
I got accepted to York University! And I also got accepted to what was formerly known as Ryerson University! Two out of six schools and it’s only January. My parents don’t seem to care all that much, though. Somehow they want the rest of my decisions to come, like, stat. Every week they’re like, “ugh Ottuś when are you gonna get into UofT” and I’m like “mom idk, and first of all I’m not getting into UofT”
I watched a ridiculous amount of sports this month. I saw the Leafs blow multiple 3-1 leads. I got into alpine skiing just in time for the Olympics. We had TSN for the month so I got to catch two Leafs games, a few Raptors games, and a couple NFL playoff games. Speaking of the NFL! Did you hear that Giselle Bündchen’s husband retired?
Grace isn’t subscribed to this newsletter, but she still texts me.
I had to complete a bunch of culminating projects for my classes. They were not fun.
Speaking of school, I got a perfect score on my 750-word neocolonialism essay for my world issues class! The only reason I bring it up is because I actually haven’t gotten a perfect score for an essay in, like, ever. Unless you count the automated subscription email for this newsletter as an essay, in which case I obviously got a score of 200%.
Also this month, Matthew Olzmann joined Twitter, and subsequently became an Otter. Obviously these two things are related.
When I wrote the Liz Holmes essay I decided not to talk about her ex-husband because I didn’t know a lot about him and it would be a lot of research and extra words. But this exchange is funnier than anything I wrote in that essay.
I will probably write at length about When We Were Young Fest when it takes place in October.
Casper Skulls are a great local indie band who did a great live session.
And, lastly, Fiona turned 1! She is the only good dog to ever exist.
Part Two: Stuff I Like!
Books I have been reading!
I have read—get this—zero books this month. I know, it’s pathetic. Next month!
Other things I have been reading:
This instalment of Very Fine Day featuring one of the Try Guys. Highly recommend subscribing to VFD on Substack.
This beautiful and inspiring POLITICO profile.
Phenomenal MLK Day essay from Ibrahm X. Kendi.
George Saunders is very smart.
Dave Zirin is the best sports journalist working today and I will die on this hill.
Here is the speech John Stanos made at Bob Saget’s funeral.
Music I have been listening to!
You all know how much of a music nut I am, so here is a non-exhaustive list of what I have been enjoying:
Songs!
“Boots of Spanish Leather” by Bob Dylan
Robert, buddy, are you kidding me? Where was this goddamn three chord folk fingerpicking song all my life?
When he says, “just carry yourself back to me / from across that lonesome ocean” I’m like, “YES, SIR.”
And the rhymes in it are perfect. And the way it unfolds into this deep compassionate story about young love, and about, like, compromising and settling for something less, and letting go of something that brought you hope. Matt is a huge Dylan fan and now I get why. This man is a genius.
“Everything is Simple” by Widowspeak
Never heard of this band before but this song just came out a few weeks ago and it’s very chill and the solo at the end is great and it reminds me of a concept I’d write about. About how everything is simple until it isn’t. I would totally tackle that in a poem or two. But Widowspeak beat me to it. Damn you, Widowspeak.
“Occasional Rain” by the War on Drugs
This song dropped at the end of October when their new album (my AOTY of 2021) came out. And it’s like…the definition of a chef’s kiss. Check out this breakdown of the song that Adam did for Fender, which went up a few days ago.
“ain’t the sky just shades of grey / until you’ve seen it from the other side? / ohhhh, if lovin’ you’s the same / it’s only some occasional rain.” What a beautiful metaphor, man.
I decided last week that I want this song played at the end credits of every movie ever. Stick this thing in Casablanca for all I care. (You can tell that I’ve never watched the ending of Casablanca.)
Albums!
Bob Dylan, Blood on the Tracks
Easily my favourite Dylan album. Although the man’s got like 39873 albums, which I haven’t listened to, so take that sentence with a grain of salt.
“Tangled Up in Blue” is very nice. “Simple Twist of Fate” is what you listen to while your coffee is brewing. “You’re A Big Girl Now” is so fun to sing-yell to. “Idiot Wind” is scathing in its portrayal of a messed-up relationship. And “If You See Her, Say Hello” is just a nice little sweet song. This whole thing is so good.
Taylor Swift, Speak Now
Later this year when Taylor drops her next re-recording I am going to write a looooong essay on Taylor Swift because IDGAF. She was the first musical artist I actually have memories caring about. To keep a long story short, here is the gist of my interesting relationship with Speak Now: I became obsessed with Fearless when Speak Now had just come out. I literally have this memory of seeing Taylor on TV promoting Speak Now for etalk and essentially shrugging it off because it probably wasn’t as good as Fearless anyway.
Now, is Speak Now better than Fearless? I’m not so sure. Like, which front four is better: “Mine” into “Sparks Fly” into “Back to December” and into “Dear John”? Or “Fearless” into “Fifteen” into “Love Story” and into “Hey Stephen”?
Imagine writing all of those songs before you turned TWENTY YEARS OLD. RIDICULOUSNESS.
I didn’t begin to fully appreciate Speak Now until around fourth grade. But once Red and 1989 came out it sort of became an afterthought. I didn’t return to it as often as you’d think. Then all of a sudden this month I started listening to it an unhealthy amount. And holy guacamole, I cannot wait for the re-recording of this album. Imagine “Dear John” but from the perspective of a 33-year-old Taylor Swift. That is going to RULE SO HARD OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT.
“Dear John” is quickly becoming one of my favourite songs on this album, partially because of how absolutely phenomenal that bridge is. And for John Mayer to call Taylor’s lyrics “lazy” is pathetic. Especially because John Mayer, though not without a few killer tunes, is also responsible for “Your Body Is A Wonderland,” which is like if a piece of twenty-year-old chewing gum stuck to the underside of a table was a song.
The only problem I have with “Dear John” is that it is unlikely to become my number one favourite song on Speak Now because of the existence of “Sparks Fly,” which is potentially the happiest song Taylor has ever made. It is nowhere near her best musically or lyrically but it gets an edge over denser songs like “Dear John” simply because it is an absolute firecracker, this overwhelming country-power-pop rush of euphoria and young love. It is a W Network movie personified. I have loved “Sparks Fly” for AGES; somehow, despite me being single as a Pringle, it hits harder now than it has ever been.
Poems!
“The Orchid Keeper” by Tory Adkisson
“I Am Learning to Abandon the World” by Linda Pastan
“The Trust” by James Tate
Things Jessica said to me this month!
Now she has to make sure to say at least one nice thing about me per month so that I have an excuse to make this a regular segment of this column.
Things Matt said to me this month!
Matt disclosed to me that he was in the same Zoom as the Weekend. The six degrees of separation theory strikes again!
Also this doesn’t count because it happened in December but we were emailing around New Year’s Eve and at the end of his email he wrote “I look forward to seeing what big things you do this new year!” As the kids say, sobbing screaming crying.
Stand-up bits that YouTube’s algorithm shoved into my face but that I also find hilarious!
Wanda Sykes is just the best.
This also made me laugh.
Things y’all write that I probably already shouted out on Twitter but had to share again!
All of the finalist poems from the Incandescent contest. Special shout-out to Yongs’s and Danny’s poems. Both are better than anything I’ve ever written.
Things that any of you say to me that I will never not cry over!
Kaya told me that she would read my take on anything. I would say that she is incorrect, except she didn’t unsubscribe after the Full House “essay.”
Danny said he got very invested in my Theranos essay. Much like Theranos, Otter Inc. is a company you should totally invest all of your money in. Totally not a scam.
Podcasts!
I’m a very occasional podcast listener. So don’t expect much from this section. Although I listened to the War on Drugs break down “I Don’t Live Here Anymore” for Song Exploder and it was SO! INTERESTING! The end.
So yes, that’s it for month one of Things You Otter Know! February should be a very exciting month, with the start of my new semester, Valentine’s Day, a ton of Leafs games, the Super Bowl, the Olympics, AND another round of killer Tweets from yours truly.
I will be back next month, on MONDAY, February 7th, (remember we pushed everything back a day?) with the second edition of In Otter News. I have no idea what it will he about, though. I would talk about the protests in Ottawa, but I’m not sure how much patience I have for Nazis.
🦦—O— 🦦